Blogging Tips, Delivered (Sex)

So I broke my pinky promise and this took more than a week to get around to. My bad. I’ll compensate by making it awesome.

Those blogging tip articles written by self-proclaimed social media gurus are as stuffy and stale as the awful suites they wear to work. These are from a 23 year-old who wears Levi’s and bright orange Ray Bans, so take them as you will. (Dear Levi’s and Ray Bans, e-mail me)

There is a special prize at the end of this post.

Ashley’s Blogging Tips:

1. Update once a week, three times a week max. Basically, be consistent, but don’t overwhelm people with too much info because no one actually cares that much about you. I would never subscribe or follow anyone that updates more than once a day on the reg.

2. Save your best posts for weekdays, during the day — cubicle types love to read blogs at work, students love not studying, etc. Inversely, if you don’t really want anyone to read your post, post it on a Saturday morning when most everyone else is busy living/sleeping off a hangover/still drunk.

3. Drunk blogging, totally OK.

4. Engage with other bloggers with similar interests. I follow the improv tag like a fiend and am sometimes hit with improv quilting, which is apparently a thing.

5. Respond to your comments, because people who comment on your blog are all super cool (except for the creepy ones, who are only creepy cool, which is totally not a thing).

6. Find the right balance of how personal you should be with your blog.

Things not to write about:

your kids (see: no one cares): your kid isn’t funny, your kid isn’t special, get the heck over it. I guess your blog could be great for your kid’s computer literate grandparents, but don’t expect to get Internet cool points for having a mom blog. However, advertisers love mom blogs, so you might be able to turn a profit while still being incredibly lame.
hyper personal issues: this could just be a personal cultural preference, but I don’t really want to know the intimate details of your trials and tribulations. I think being hyper personal alienates a lot of readers. I never respond well to conversations about feelings, which is probably why most of my close friends are dudes and girls who watch prison shows. Example: one of my best friends texted me ” I broke up with my boyfriend” to which I actually responded “good — you two would make really ugly babies together anyway.” That didn’t go over too well (but it’s totally true).

Things to write about:

unique situations/whatever you think makes you interesting. Do you sky dive? do you love pinball? can you do the most epic yo-yo tricks of all time? I think all that stuff is cool, tell me about it/date me.
stuff you’re passionate about/stuff you like
opinions, as long as they aren’t awful

7. Tag your posts!

Super cool reader tips:

1. From Becoming Bitter: “Posting material based on your experiences does wonders for getting traffic. Most of my posts have been about some assholes I’ve met or events or random stuff based on what I like. Bloggers should either try to relate to their potential audience or post things other people would enjoy reading. Posting things that make an impact in some way on the reader is another tactic employed by bloggers.”

I agree

2. From Neeks: “Maybe if you collected links to things like sites that teach grammar, or punctuation, etc. and respond with a post of all the links?

Or put them in your blog roll and then you can respond to questions by saying “check out the websites in my blogroll…”

I don’t actually think people care about grammar that much. Personally, I only notice it if a person’s grammar is really awful. Also, people who make grammar jokes are incredibly lame. But I guess some people might love correcting the grammar of all the posts they read? I wish I had that much free time.

3. From Barking In the Dark: “assholes are always interesting…to read about i mean.”

I definitely have this one covered in my blog

4. From Best Bathroom Books: “I’m not a female writing about my experiences, so I will automatically get less readers. I go for triple-entendre blog titles (multiple meanings can illicit a click) and a pic that is either funny or pleasing or at least not boring. Good consistent writing and POV keeps readers coming back. Accuracy in tags helps too.”

I love your tips, man! All my favorite writers have unique voices. A straight-forward writer with a great story (like Kite Runner) won’t get any love from me. I hate Kite Runner. I save all my love for authors like Hubert Selby Jr.

5. From Let’s Cut the Crap: “Not wanting to be a STAR helps. I think it crimps your style.I’m always interested in heartfelt ideas. We’re all human, right? Must be at least 50% of the population who can share a similar experience.Write from the heart OR, if you have great humour about a situation, more power to ya!”People love common experiences. I personally don’t really write about them, but a lot of “successful” bloggers do. I feel the same way about stand-up comedy as I feel about common experience blogs. They seem like they are doing a lot of work, but it’s actually just, “hey, look how weird this one thing we all do everyday is.” I care because? Please note, I am a bit of an asshole. 6. From Michael Sadowski: “Here’s a tip: keep your own life crap out of it. You get caught and it gets you in trouble. DON’T do what I have done..don’t broadcast your dirty little secrets and the crazier notions best left buried in the basement of your sick mind. You might think you’re turning your flatulence into literature but you alienate more people than you attract.”agree 100%. flatulence =/= literature.

7. From Linda Vernon:

Here’s what I like to see in a blog:

Topic up front
Short Paragraphs
Rambling only if humorous
Humor
Pictures that support the topic
Some kind of point no matter how obscure or thin must be made
Freshness is highly prized!

I agree, I love freshness. Also, I usually don’t even attempt to read really long blog posts unless I know that the person is a good writer. So yeah, be weary of that. I hope this entire post counts as a humorous rambling about how much I hate Kite Runner.

8. From Lizzie Cracked: “

1. know why you are here, what you hope to achieve, what makes you feel good and what makes you feel bad. Figure it out when you set up your blog and after you are a few weeks in to see if you feel differently.

2. Be true to yourself. It’s your blog. don’t let anybody tell you you are wrong if you feel good about it. You will never please everyone so be happy with yourself

3. Grammar & puntuation if you really want someone else to read it AND undestand it.. I’m sure you are aware how one little comma can change the whole meaning ….if it’s just for you and you don’t care then who cares but that would again depend on #1 and I’m not saying anally correct either but really….just sayin”

everything she said, her blog is probably better than mine and I will check it out later

9. From Crystal Rayne: “Proofread before you hit the publish button. I understand the brain most times phonically fixes words as you read, however one too many times of a her replacing a here can make a brain swell. If the temptation of the publish button is too much to handle, write your post in word first.”

I don’t do this, and I will probably never do this, but I totally should do this.

p.s. you have a stripper name, and I am sort of jealous.

10. From Kellie Kennedy: “I agree blog about what you know. I also feel don’t get stuck on being so grammatically perfect. Write how you talk! My friends and parents gave me the best advice, if it sounds like it is coming out of your mouth…you have written a perfect blog.”

I write exactly how I talk, people I know read my blog in my voice. 100% true. I guess that means I’m perfect? jk, def not perfect.

11. From El Gaupo:”Everyone I’ve spoken to about it says (like me) that they wanted to say something, to speak (or yell, or mock) to the world.

Oh, and the word Sex in a title will usually get some extra clicks.”

I am pretty sure the sex thing is true, I will test it with this post. Sorry, mom.

12. From Spider42: “I’ve gotten fairly bad at it myself but I find if you have a certain regularity to your posting it definitely helps because people get used to it – like a magazine or even a weekly column in a paper and the like.
Other then that there’s the obvious stuff like: post what you know, post at least SOME images with each post, make your blog visually pleasing and accessible, roam other blogs and comment/like on them (this part I think you got down! ) and such…”

I do this weird thing where I do three text heavy posts and then three photo heavy posts. I also like to sleep with one sock on.

13. From Chip: “Umm…. be awesome.”

This one is my favorite tip.

14. From Talker96: “The best advice for writing a successful blog entry(or blog post, as those of us in the industry like to call them) would probably be to let everybody else have their say.
I’ll explain. People love to comment on things they briefly read about, especially when they read just enough to make them sound like they know what they are talking about. So what’s the advice? Simple, do what this post did, just have everyone else fill in the topic. This solution is easy on the eyes and makes everyone feel like they contributed.
While my blog is somewhat successful, I know all to well the dangers of a commentless site. When nobodies talking your site becomes 30% more likely to get broken in to and 56% more likely to try hard drugs. We’ve all been there people, you’re not alone, but this solution will take you out of the skid row and into the Beverly Hills of WordPress, with basically little or no work at all.
Great post Ashleyjillian….and great post everyone else.(wink)”

what s/he said.

15. From kayjai: “I use my blog as a venting mechanism for my alter ego…is that bad? Maybe. My humor stems from my life, hence I tend to spew forth utterances otherwise left unsaid. My audience appreciates the honesty/humor in the situations and feel free to comment openly. I try not to put too much personal crap out there, but I can’t help myself. I guess the blog is what you make it and making it as individual as you are, is the best. A unique perspective is always a great way to go! Thanks..KJ”

individuality is awesome and if I was Beyonce, I would for sure blog as Sasha Fierce.

So while I was writing this post, an old man set-up a desktop computer at Starbucks. Here is a creeper picture my friends encouraged me to take: