Seven men, six in custom-tailored suits and one in a suit straight off the rack, gathered in a dimly lit bar with only one shelf, and it was the tops. They were surprisingly good-looking for aspiring magicians, even objectively dashing. They conversated with each other in hushed tones, shallowly letting their tongues run ragged with their knowledge of classic American culture.
“Buster Keaton was a brilliant man, it’s a shame you can’t get away with artful blackface these days,” commented the tallest.
“Charlie Chapman, what a class act, I respect a man who is unafraid to fight a taboo, even if it was taking on multiple teenage wives,” said the most attractive.
The group communally complained that they don’t make beauties quite like Greta Garbo anymore, but the men all agreed Sofia Vergara was passable.
By this point, Steven, the young man in the hackneyed suit had zoned out — life leaves you at a certain disadvantage when you grow up with only basic cable and parents that exclusively watch reality television. Worried about his social stature within the group, he walked into the center of the informal circle and put on his largest, most genuine, stage smile.
The group gave him their full attention, expecting a magic trick, an illusion or a witticism of new heights that was reminiscent of old ones. With all the flare of years of magic lessons and social rejection, Steven took off his top hat and whipped it around to prove that it was empty. He flipped the hat back towards his body, tenderly reaching his hand in and taking out a dove.
In great jest he yelled, “Who let the doves out? Who, who, who?”
Steven was never heard from again.
Ashley Jillian 
I LOVED this, Ashley! The first sentence had me HOOKED! And you had me in your pocket after that.
🙂
Hilarious post and lovely, Ashley. I particularly liked “They were surprisingly good-looking for aspiring magicians, even objectively dashing,” as well as several other lines. Nicely done! Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for reading! and commenting 🙂
Hooked me, like a magician. 🙂
But my true intent here is to garner an introduction to NC Coot!
his headshot is pretty awesome, I vote yes on this
I laughted outrageously. But my teeth hurt when I came to the last line. LOL
glad to provide a Saturday evening laugh 🙂
Magically delicious!
thank you, lady
Reblogged this on Technospunky blah blah blogging on wordpress and commented:
to darn funny!..
“setting the hook” is such a hard thing to do as a writer, but you do it so well. Is this part of a book your working on and just teasing us?
I really can’t think of a word that describes how good this post is, so I guess we will have to settle for Awesome 🙂
you’re so sweet! I think my “setting the hook” skills can be largely attributed to the epic newspaperman who basically taught me how to write.
Incredibly entertaining, and as the Coot already put it, the hook was really nice. It’s such a simple situation, and yet it’s disguised so cleverly. it leaves you with the satisfaction of being able to relate to Steven and lastly, it gives you food for thought.
I’m glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for the (too kind) words 🙂
Did we ever find out what happened to those poor doves?
they probably died from stress and heartbreak
Love “They conversated with each other…” Real talk.
I love using the word “conversated,” it’s just the right amount of pretentious
Hahaha, good stuff.
thank you, sir!
magic
I do kinda want to take up magic lessons, for real.
loved this, popped in my inbox and was perfectly timed and a welcome relief as I was suffering badly writing website content for an air conditioning company. The things a writer does to earn a crust…
amen
So funny Ashley…more!
aww thanks, maybe give the rest of my blog a go? Or wait, I update weekly 🙂
I see people like this all the time in bars and restaurants (though they usually are not aspiring magicians. You described them very well 😀
Introverts are awesome 🙂
Loved it, excellent! … as always! And what happened to NC Coot? Love his photo 😉
I super appreciate the kind words 🙂
If I had owned a mouthful of coffee when I read the last line, it would have decorated my monitor! Well done, got a serious laugh out of me. ^_^
ahh, love that description 🙂
Omgoodness! That was brilliant! Lol
ah, you’re so sweet, thanks! 🙂
A great little number. Really brought a smile to my face.
your comment brought a smile to mine!
He he he! 🙂
lololol
Good one Ashley. The crowner snuck up on me. Well written and fun!
thank you, I was worried the reference would be a little too not culturally relevant
And since when did expressing one’s self become about cultural reference? Hell with what you think someone else thinks they maybe want to hear or read. I, for one, was entertained and moved by that post. Keep it up.
sweet! Even though you made Steven disappear. Great writing.
someone always has to disappear in stories about magic
“shallowly letting their tongues run ragged”…pure genius.
Be encouraged!
ah, genius is quite an overstatement — but I’ll take it!
Way good.
thanks, Mr. Trailer Trash
Very well done. It made me feel different emotions in such a short span. Chuckling, to tense, to worried. And I love the ending.
thank you!
GREAT WRITING.
too kind!
Didn’t see it coming, so I laughed out loud. Good stuff. Loved your descriptions of Steven: his suit, family, smile.
thank you! I enjoy turning out some phrases 🙂
ha ha ha ! Good one!
Thank ya kindly!
Loved this. I could see everything that was happening.
thank you!!
Who’s Charlie Chapman? Who, who, who, who?
*groan* 😉
Even the set-up to your joke was hilarious.
the sad part is that I can apparently make Buster Keaton and Charlie Chaplin jokes off the top of my head, easily.
I really pity you, then. It sounds tough.
“…put on his largest, most genuine, stage smile.” 😀 I laughed out loud at the ending. My kids were in earshot and insisted I tell them what was so funny. I read them your post. They are too young to get most of the references and my 8 year old wondered what happened to Steven, but maybe someday they’ll be glad I read them stories instead of focusing on basic cable and reality t.v.;)
aww that’s so sweet/adorable. Thanks for sharing!
Elitist career murderers clinging to bygone golden days of show and stage. Had they cared, really cared, about the state of entertainment they would have recognized Steven’s earnest attempt to revitalize niche history with popular references a worthwhile effort, especially considering his culturally barren background.
I imagine Steven penned himself D.J. Cornelius Thirty-Cent and went on to sell-out the Staples Center while his former magicians-to-be entertained smoky cabarets.
Did NOT see that coming. 🙄
I like a good sneak attack, in real life and in writing
how do you come up with such stuff? you write things no one even thinks of, I love your blog 😉
I ask myself the same thing, all the time
From now on, I plan to conversate only in hushed tones.
Loved this, Ashley! ~ Lily
Aw, poor guy
Ashley this sounds like a professional magazine review. I was wondering if you are a professional author. Your writing is very well done in any case. It was nice to visit your blog.
Bryan
I lived in Japan for a year. During that time, I ate all KINDS of different potato chips: shrimp flavored, mayonnaise flavored… you name it. But when I received a care package from my wife-to-be and opened the bag of Fritos, that was the moment I discovered the ONE flavor I’d been missing.
Your blog is kinda like Fritos.
Love this, also love Fritos
Yeah, this kicked ass. I was grinning in anticipation of the last line, and it didn’t disappoint.
I really enjoy your posts in this literary style. They always finish with a flash of zen and humor.