Meet Fantasia Barrino

Our
amazing foster puppy! No one should trust me to name a child.

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Looking forward to the holiday, anyone doing anything cool? I will be hitting up a local Cheesecake Factory patio and watching fireworks #america. Now I feel a compulsive need to look up whether Cheesecake Factory is American, which kind of makes my evening even more American

We are also prepping to move because they raised the rent on my current place by $375! Telling them I was a starving artist didn’t seem to help. When I gave notice, for some reason I told them I’ll miss them, which was an awkward, at best, move.

We are moving to a house with bars on the front windows and my mom is thrilled. Don’t worry, we are investing in a “Beware of Dog” sign

Only Jerks like Supper Clubs

I always sit in Chuy’s section, granted he could spell it Chewy, but I’ve never asked. I ordered chili sides the first few times I went and got trapped in that being my usual order because there is something tangibly awkward when someone asks you “the usual?” and you say “no”

Then the bowling alley diner became the opposite of awkward and I would go at least once a week with a book or friend and drink way too much caffeine at 6pm because I was just out of college and invincible. I was also in a new neighborhood where I didn’t know many people and on my first bout with being relatively self-sufficient (i.e. poor). I could get a good cooked meal for $10 with tax and tip and sit next to a row of old men and a strange and talkative younger doctor at the counter, who were friendly faces and largely the same faces (night after night, not same faces as each other). Oh, also, and a lot of overweight friendly cops sitting with sides of ranch dressing.

I feel like this whole thing would be amiss without mentioning the one-armed long-haired chain-smoking league bowler I would pass on the way in.

As someone who largely prefers books to conversations with strangers, I kept to myself and my waiter friends and I loved it. Over time I got busier with comedy, hanging out with my cat and losing my college 20, so my visits had largely slowed down. Last week I drove by and there were 100 people protesting the eviction and as a Berkeley grad I was hoping for some important societal change. Turns out the local AMF is effectively evicting them at the end of the month and replacing it with a supper club that I hope no one in my neighborhood ever gives his or her patronage.

Melted Cheese Tastes Like Rubber

One of my favorite clown teachers (my favorite way to start a sentence), told us that you should be constantly questioning the “why” of what you’re doing- whether it’s being a business man, a magician or a girl who lives in Venice Beach who has a blog and a kitten named Elvis.

This is something I’ve always done, but didn’t super realize it until he said it out loud and I was like “Oh, sh*t, that’s me!” TBF, I had the same reaction when someone told me that melted cheese tastes like rubber. right?

The why prevents me from being stagnant and accepting my current every day situations and skills as a permanent reality instead of a level of progress on an ongoing journey. I’ve surpassed my expectations in my 2-year Hollywood grind. I think it also helps that I have kept myself open to things I never saw being part of my life, mostly clown.

Reasons Why I Haven’t Blogged

I went to a hardware store alone for the first time. It’s possible that 50% of my purchase was Diet Dr. Pepper.

I am getting over my lifelong fear of yogurt

I joined a comedic dance team, and it just gets me right in my humor sweet spot

I want to know the name of the thing in hotel rooms, where it’s like a special lock, but it also has a chain so the door doesn’t open all the way

I got a smartphone and I have to charge it every day. what.

One of my comedy idols told me I was naturally funny and I didn’t know what to say. I got to thanks!

I went to a rare book fair and drooled everywhere

I discovered how to turn on my television after two years

I am assuming my bad luck this month is to allow for athlete’s olympic dreams to come true. And I am OK with that.

One of my best friend’s got in a bad car accident. So I’ve been like, oh sh*t, life. (He is making a good recovery and his worse injury is a broken eye socket, but head wounds are terrifying)

I realized Zedd is a man

I’ve been taking flexibility classes, which are contortion classes for not-so-cool people

I am rereading my favorite book

Accidental Brilliance

I’ve been watching the Billabong Pipe Masters competition and Kelly Slater, one of the best athletes of all time IMO, won his heat.

When Kelly Slater got out of the water, the surf journalist (journalist may be a strong word) asked Kelly “What are your habits?”

Kelly said he bit his nails too much and is late to things far more often than he would like #thingsjenniferanistonwouldneveradmit

There is something so exciting and inspiring about having one of your high-profile heroes not hiding from being a human.

So on that note, I blame my poor parallel parking on my big car and I am a bad speller. In middle school, I tried biting my nails once to see what the deal was, and I failed at it.