Awk. Brushes with Fame

My plan for my lunch break today was to do one of my favorite things — drink a diet coke and read in my car, in an underground garage. My life is super hectic so it’s just a nice ahhwwwfreetime type dealio. There is a university on the first five floors of the building I work in, I go to the student store to buy the diet coke, and I start to hear this lady who was absolutely beaming with good gossip that there were protesters outside because the Vice President of China was in the building. O.o. I was like “Is this freal or is this just student store gossip? Is student store gossip a thing? It should definitely be a thing.”

I peaked outside and saw a bunch of protestors holding Tibetan flags, and very little security for the VP of China. I had a moment of debating whether to people watch or to guy hide in my car in the garage with my book. The book won, I had an hour of peace, away from the noise of the office/the protestors. Sorry Tibet, I still think you are a good cause and human rights violations suck, and the Dalai Lama should be allowed back, etc. etc., but needed some time for Ashley peace. When my sweet, sweet hour was up I went back into the building. Once again, no security other than the doorman who I’m on a first name basis with, even though I am the worst small-talker. He could totally beat me at arm-wrestling, though, so I guess that’s a form of security. Also, it’s not that hard to beat me at arm-wrestling.

I turn the corner to elevator bank, and the doorman is there. I was like Allen, what’s going on?

“The vice president of China is here”

here, here?


Then Allen started to get a bit jittery and he caressed the door of an elevator. Super weird.

Then out the elevator walks the vice president of China and then I am suddenly swarmed by Chinese people who were business causualing it up. And they all start bowing toward the Vice President of China. If you haven’t had the experience, it’s super challenging to navigate your way through a crowd of bowing people because they all bow at different speeds. It’s straight up Super Mario, and yes, I am aware that Mario is Japanese — you know what I mean.

Also, it was probably super offensive that I didn’t bow at the Vice President in China. I probably should of, but I was so stuck in whattheheckisgoingon-ville that I couldn’t even bring myself to actively do anything.I eventually made it to the elevator, pressed nine and then sat in front of a computer for  a few hours.

Also, last night my friend and I pinky swore at Baja Fresh only to look up and see that Ken Marino was staring at us. Then we watched him sloppily eat a burrito, alone, on a Wednesday night.

… how was your day?


64 thoughts on “Awk. Brushes with Fame

  1. drewpan says:

    Yep… I think you probably just triggered World War 3 with your blatant disrespect!

    I suddenly just got the mental image of a giant armored panda grabbing your shoulder and yelling: “Bow your head, you damned dirty human!”

      1. drewpan says:

        Either that, or it’s one of those cold wars fought with the CIA (Central Intelligence Agency) and the CIA (China Intelligence Agency – well, they pirate everything else from the world, why not acronyms too?)

  2. Laura says:

    I thought he was in Iowa. So if I’d been in your place, I’d be thinking less about bowing and more about trying to figure out why I was suddenly in Iowa.

      1. Laura says:

        Nooooo! That’s not what I meant at all. Sorry if it came across that way. I was just attempting to make a joke about the wrong conclusion I might have jumped to if I’d been in your place. Really.

      2. Laura says:

        What I mean is, a normal person, on seeing the VP of China, might think “oh, I must not have known all the details of his trip to the US”, but I might have thought “oh, I must be in Iowa” — like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, but without the tornado.

        It doesn’t get any funnier the more I explain it, does it? Sorry. But that really truly is how I meant it.

  3. dysfunctional unit says:

    Ashley, thanks so much fer stopping by my blog. I’m glad you liked it. I’ve read a number of yer posts, pretty f-ing hilarious. Loved “eye-patch”, the “low-paid employee” and this one. Like yer rambling, honest style. Very good reads. Even though I live in the frozen north now, I am an ex land of Oz’er. I ran the streets of So Cal fer years. It’s nice to see that things haven’t changed all that much (reminds me why I left lol).
    Anyway, nice blog, I’m interested to check out the rest of your writing so I’ll be follower 822.

  4. dysfunctional unit says:

    aj-thanks fer stopping by my blog…but what no comment? Anyway, like yer style. Rambling, honest, random, funny reads. Will come back out and check out more but so far liked “eye-patch” & “low paid employees”.
    Anyway, even though I live in the frozen north now, I grew up in the land of Oz. it’s nice to see that things in So Cal haven’t changed all that much (reminds me why I left lol).
    Okay, well alright, count me 822

  5. Ahmnodt Heare says:

    I applaud you for not bowing for two reasons. The first is that Americans have a long history of not bowing in other nations. This is especially true in the Olympics. The second reason is that I can’t see anybody bowing to Joe Biden, Dick Cheney, Al Gore, or Dan Quayle.

  6. kevinmacintyre says:

    very enjoyable read – I don’t know what I’d have done in the crowd-of-bowing-people situation either.
    Hey, does that mean Mario is a Japanese Italian? 🙂

  7. grrouchie says:

    Interesting read – my day (even though not the same day of your posting) was no where near quite exciting.
    I spent 3.5 hours in a hospital waiting room, Reading MockingJay and waiting for my old man to be done and ready to go home.
    I then ate lunch and went to the Dentist for a 5 minute visit so that he could see everything was going good with my new Porcelain crown or whatever it is called.
    I then ate some Thin Mints and had a Diet dew in celebration.
    And i’m 30 seconds I will have commented on a complete strangers blog 🙂 G’day!

  8. aquatella says:

    There, your potential diplomatic carrier is now completely ruined. But then again, China? Maybe one day people will celebrate you as “The one who had the courage not to bow”, the future Chinese hero;)

  9. Liz Ferguson says:

    Hi Ashely
    Pretty amazing day!
    Like so many other people who commented here, I really like your writing style, so I’ll follow you now.
    BTW: We Montrealers think that we have the best bagels. . . in the universe. You should come and try them some day. In the summer – the best time to visit.

  10. bneal817 says:

    Doorman caresses elevator when nervous… priceless. It’s these little things that make us human – and capturing these human details makes a good writer. Well done.

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