Phone Phoney

There is something very jarring about receiving a phone call from an unknown number, extra terrifying if it just says… Read more Phone Phoney

Sometimes You’re the Douchebag

Happy Holidays from Venice! Two weeks ago there was a street festival in Venice sponsored by GQ on one of… Read more Sometimes You’re the Douchebag

My car did not get egged Impulsed bought onesie pajamas with monkeys for feet at Target Lots of leftover candy… Read more Signs of a Successful Halloween

There is one thing about comedy that makes my skin itch. Neutrality. Like khaki pants and dry turkey sandwiches, I… Read more Comedy Devil

Age 10 is kind of a great one, because you’re only awkward, but without the sweaty palms and the world… Read more The Magical People

What people from other states look like How bad my sense of geography really is — I think this is… Read more Things Learned from Reality Singing Competitions

Self-identity nouns should be given great weight. Like more weight than those things our grandparents used to keep papers from… Read more Not on Writing, but on Being a Writer

Sometimes I might think in sevens. A top five list would be oppressive and a top 10 list would be… Read more Top As Many Thoughts as I Feel Like Why Lists are Lame

Let’s be honest, if you have an online journal, or like, if you have a pulse and breathe occasionally, you’ve… Read more Standing Up for Khloe Kardashian, Unlikely Underdog