I had to book a room in a theatre complex for my improv team as none of us have large living rooms/we wanted to be able to yell, sing and jump as much as we wanted – something important to consider when booking space for an improv team, and also something important to consider in general life.
I got to the space a bit early so I could pick up the keys. I opened the lobby door turned the corner and as I hit the stairs I was immediately confronted by walls two inches thick with dust and three inches thick with indie theatre production fliers from the ‘80s. When I got to the top of the stairs, I was unenthusiastically greeted by a fabulous gay man, who clearly also reached his theatrical prime in the ‘80s.
He asked me who I was and I reacted equally unenthusiastically with an “Ashley, we spoke on the phone earlier.” His face lit up, his posture straightened and with a big hand gesture he starts to saying “Ashley! Ashley!”
It’s one of those moments where you wish someone else was there to share in how ridiculous this guy is, but you’re also relieved because that would have been embarrassing as fuck.
I didn’t know how to react, so I flashed him a confused stare since saying “yes, it’s me Ashley, the girl you spoke to on the phone” didn’t seem like the appropriate response.
I knew I was in trouble as soon as I got a stern “don’t you know where that’s from?” A quick brain scan came back with nothing but a debate about whether pretending to know it would get me out of there sooner.
“Gone with the Wind! It’s from Gone with the Wind!” He continued to call me “Ashley!” for the rest of the conversation, which was both terrifying and strangely respectable if only for the commitment.
He then gestured me away and directed me to look for “the marginal looking man with strawberry blond hair, the type of fellow who looks like he hasn’t showered in a few days” in order to get the keys. While totally a dick move, I knew who he was talking about immediately.
Ashley Jillian 
Ashley, Ashley…very funny – not for you tho’ i guess. continue…
Good lords of the dark did I laugh at that last part. Goddamn. I like your style though, it’s pretty good stuff! Your sense of humor certainly stands out in the writing… but wow, “marginal fellow?” Someone out there really said that? Wow! Well, I know one term I’m gonna try and bring back without being fabulous…
Who would know that? Ok obviously someone. Maybe it loses something in translation but I still can;t even place it…. too funny.
I think he was just trying to impress me with his knowledge of old movies, I guess it worked a bit
I think you need a little patience with people, especially people you don’t like … as we all do every day … especially with people who we do not like …remember that no one is too big to be courteous, but some are too little…
Anyway I like the way you write… it’s so fresh 🙂
I wasn’t impatient, just amused.
I would have been laughing over that exchange for days; there are a couple of people in my circle who have the same sardonic sense of humor as the fellow you describe. Thanks for the morning chuckle!
I love that he described someone as “marginal looking”. Hysterical!
So he directed you towards a hipster? I’m surprised you could find the right one!
Also, being stuck in the south at the moment… I can relate on not getting a Gone With The Wind reference…. its like a life guide for some people down here
More like a hippie, but I guess hippies used to be hipsters, so yes
It fun to read your blog
🙂
I hope you buttered up the marginal man when you asked for the keys.
Ummm I’m not going to hit on someone twice my age out of pity
My definition of buttering someone up is to be extra nice, that’s all. Nothing more than that.
Maybe next time, without missing a beat, you’ll say: ” Yes, we’ve traveled a long road since the old days, haven’t we, Scarlett?
After all, you gotta be ready for when you bump into Bernie Sahlins…
Space – Loved it.
I love your descriptions of the characters you meet. Have you ever used them in your improv work?
Having not seen Gone with the Wind, the joke is still completely lost on me…
It’s not a joke, more of a character study. I’m not a fan of jokes, really.
The old man’s joke, I mean.
Yikes!, that sounded like a scene from “Twin Peaks”. Was there a little person in a red suit dancing behind him?
ah, one of the most memorable scenes in TV history
Not a fan of jokes? Anyhoo I enjoyed this slice of life. Keep up the good work.
Been there. thats why now I book my gigs at hotel conference rooms or at resteraunts where the people are professional and dont try to impress or be to artsy. Then again, if this had not happeded to you, you would not have been able to create such a great story as this…
Funneee! I wouldn’t have been able to keep a straight face every time he said your name…who needs a fly on the wall when you can tell a story that well? Bravo, I felt like I’d met him and well, wish’d I hadn’t, LOL.
You couldn’t create a character better than that.
Haha I loved this. It totally reminds me of the randoms at Shetler Studios in NYC when my friends and I illegally put on musicals without the rights… also a dick move 😉
ugh, what a tool! but, at least you got material out of it…
HAHA. I love dealing with people who manage rehearsal spaces. They are all weirdo creep clowns.