Nature, Millennially

After three strenuous and emotionally-taxing weeks of planning, Rebecca and her BFF Miles put away their heavily-earmarked issues of People’s Most Beautiful People. Rebecca wrote a check-list, crossing out the crudely-drawn boxes as a monument to their accomplishments; they did not listen to the radio in the car (despite Miles’ urge to ironically operate a HAM radio), they did not use the air conditioner (despite Miles’ pit-stains setting-in when temps reach North of 80) and Miles opened the door for Rebecca in a nostalgic want of gender norms of yesteryear (despite the tendonitis in Miles’ weak wrists and Rebecca’s BA in Gender and Women’s Studies).

The debate over whether humorous autobiographies of 30-something television writers were to be allowed on the camping trip remained decisively unsettled, the main pro-argument being that books have existed forever, and breezy-reads could always be made more challenging under the flickering light of a gas lantern.

They established camp — Rebecca shot Miles a death glare for commenting on how the decor was absolutely Pinterest-worthy. Miles rebutted that it would look great on his wall entitled “Earthtones and the Appreciation of Nature.”

By day two everything made Miles itch: the dirt, the bugs, the idle hours spent doing restorative yoga in the meadow. Day three was convulsions, and on day four Miles started to feel the phantom limb of his iPhone in his back pocket. Miles entire body was a pit-stain by day six, and his ability to stand on his real limbs was greatly diminished by his overwhelming urge to marathon RuPaul’s Drag Race.

On day seven, Miles tenuously whipped out all the prayers he could summon while Rebecca was frolicking in the communal showers with a a farmer’s market lesbian she met the first night of the trip.

Rebecca’s big reveal came that evening when she started unearthing video cameras from throughout the campground. She opened her bag and non-chalantly grabbed her laptop.

“Miles, you can’t possibly be mad — your popularity on IMDB is now twice that of Nick Jonas!”

Both parties were found checking into the 405 freeway an hour later via foursquare, separately.

———

tweet me @alltidashley

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32 thoughts on “Nature, Millennially

  1. Hilarious all the way through. The sprinkling of pop-culture through out made it current and added the stain of realism that breathes life into the written word.

  2. Phantom limbs or not, I think Telemundo might find this grist for a whole new telenovella. Pinterest be d@*Ned, I love looking through your quirky lens. Thanks for the view…it brought a quiet smile. Good stuff.

  3. Great writing! I believe my favorite part was “and Miles opened the door for Rebecca in a nostalgic want of gender norms of yesteryear (despite the tendonitis in Miles’ weak wrists and Rebecca’s BA in Gender and Women’s Studies).” I think it says so much about, not only the characters, but the situation itself. You did a great job in this story.

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