Open Letter to Bloggers

Posted on August 22, 2011August 23, 2011 by ashleyjillian Posted in Comedy, Personal, WritingTagged annoying, blogging, humor, pet peeve, Writing

Dear Fellow Residents of the Internet,

If you are a personal friend of mine, you know I keep it real. I’ll tell you if you need a haircut because I can see your split ends, if your jeans look a little cholita or if the tag of your shirt is sticking out. In the same vein, dearest Internet, no one cares about any of our blogs enough to allow for “sorry I haven’t updated my blog” posts.

They are only okay if they are followed by some sort of epic story as to why you haven’t updated your blog. Needless to say, “sorry I haven’t updated my blog, I was on vacation for two weeks” = zzzzzzzzzzzzzzfest. Seriously.

The following is a formula to retain your reader’s attention while telling them the interesting/witty/morose story as to why you haven’t updated your blog in X weeks:

First of all, get rid of the apology. It’s your blog, you do what you want.

This leaves you with the openings, “These past few weeks have been some of the busiest of my life because X, Y, Z,” “Winning the lottery last month has drastically changed my life,” and “My grandmother died.”

Then explain your story in the style of your choice and get the heck out.

kram///

7 thoughts on “Open Letter to Bloggers”

August 22, 2011 at 11:20 pm Reply
Rob Biesenbach says:

That is seriously a pet peeve of mine. Dear neglectful bloggers: nobody’s hanging on your every word, few have even noticed you were gone!
August 23, 2011 at 11:29 am Reply
asholanola says:

SO sorry I didn’t comment on this sooner – I was away from wordpress drinking margaritas and then I found this cat online that I want to adopt and I got super distracted and neglectful of the blogosphere. Kidding, I agree. The only person that can tell when I miss a day is me…
ps: Thanks for the bloglike!
August 23, 2011 at 1:58 pm Reply
pharphelonus says:

so freaking true. write for you. period. if someone reads it, likes it and comments, great. if not, that’s why you wrote for you.
August 23, 2011 at 2:29 pm Reply
beckyyk says:

I agree with you. For sure.
August 23, 2011 at 2:59 pm Reply
Dalai Lina says:

I would add this to the pet peeve list: people who blog multiple times a day about every meal and movement. I was interested until you started bombarding me…
1. August 23, 2011 at 3:39 pm Reply
  ashleyjillian says:
  
  Good one! also people who post all their twitter status’ on facebook. I really don’t need to read it twice.
August 23, 2011 at 11:48 pm Reply
itchemeyer says:

Totally agree. This should be required reading for new (and old) bloggers.
Entertain, enlighten, engage, or stfu. People don’t want to hear a stranger’s mundane crap. They come in thinking you’re probably going to be boring- after all you’re not them and you’re not famous. You’re behind the 8 ball. You need to give it your best shot.