Puns should not be read out loud.

*wipes dust off blog*

ohhhh boy.

OK. So here is the deal: I have been experimenting with mediums and the written word, but also mediums and the improvised word, and one singular medium with improvised rhythms. Lest we forget that rhythm, like love, is a universal language.

*wipes dust off brain*

As you don’t know, I have been doing comedy and in doing so, I have evolved. I have done improv (not a team player), I have written sketches (my heart stopped singing), and I have done stand-up (the fastest way to crush my soul is to make me listen to five minutes of someone reading rapid fire cheeseball puns out loud in a droll voice).

Life lessons learned:

It is a party foul to earnestly ask someone whether their performance was
supposed to be comedy or something more serious.

Most people who pursue clowning in the 2010s have trust funds and a desire
for near constant validation. I never had an active desire for that
knowledge, but some greater power must have sent it my way.

You can make a best friend by slapping them on the face way harder than
you intended to. Also, this is an expedient way to get a reputation for
being brave in the often nonsensical context of comedy.

Banana cream pie is the best pie.

You can meet interesting and inspiring people, but you can also use that
social scene as an excuse to stay away from more solitary creative
outlets.

Stand-up is my favorite kind of comedy because if you find someone hard to
watch, you can always go to a cheese shop down the block and pretend to be
interested in $80 gift baskets while sampling dandelion soda and thinking
*someday, this could be me, person who gifts other people $80 cheese
baskets and casually drinks dandelion soda*

*wipes dust off sentimental feelings*

I have confirmed that written words on a page, web or otherwise, was the main thing I was looking for all along. And I am so excited and oh so dusty.

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Emotional Humility

Emotional humility is having to admit to people that you feel pretty meh about Star Wars.

Emotional humility is defriending someone on Facebook who you thought you would never see again only to have them confront you about it two years later in front of a group of people.

Emotional humility is saying goodbye to someone after hanging out and then realizing you both parked in the same direction.

Emotional humility is accidentally making eye contact with someone in the car next to you and doing your best to give them a heart eye emoji face to make the uncomfortable in a whimsical way.

Emotional humility is when sometimes you try to hard to be alternative, but ultimately you are still right handed.

Emotional humility is not being able to tell a workout song from a regular song.

Emotional humility is admitting that your keyboard is red not from blood, sweat, and tears, but from Hot Cheeto dust.

Emotional humility is not updating your blog in six months and admitting that was an oopsy. It is also emitting a small prayer than you are using the term emotional humility correctly.

2015: You Can’t Win Them All

A few highlights of my 2015 🙂 :

  • My old boss told me I sounded “too straight-forward” in work emails, so I should try to include a smiley face and an “!” in each email. This is now amongst my worst habits.
  • I discovered those video blackjack machines in Las Vegas that are pretty demeaning to animated women,  but also pay well if you play them right. Verdict: Worth it, but I feel a little dirty.
  • I think I only read one book, and it was about makeup …
  • I am almost out of debt
  • I didn’t write enough, this sentence feels short.

 

Happy New Year, every body! Be weary of drunk drivers, they are terrifying.

Real Estate head shots

Real Estate head shots make me lol. Too real.

Marlene gets bonus points for having a motto that doesn’t actually mean anything.

“A field of opportunities, success through effort”

She also gets bonus points for having flowers grow out of her head.

Joseph has “Integrity and Commitment” and he’s the “agent of the month” which is somewhere between fast food employee of the month and James Bond on the sexy scale. Hint: much closer to the greasy end.

This is just awkward.

Wait, I don’t understand their motto.

“We Care about being #1 for YOU, not the world!”

They must be so embarrassed by how awful their motto is that they can’t even stand to look at each other. It’s hard for me to look at them, too.

I am going to finish with this one.

What? Did the camera break or something? Is the photo black and white because the ad is vaguely racist and the realtor doesn’t want you to know what race s/he is? Or for that matter, I can’t really tell the gender. I am uncomfortable.

 

p.s. I really want to hear more of your awkward stories.  Leave a comment here with your best story and I will love you forever.

Awkward

Can we all share awkward stories? Like a WordPress sleepover with strangers, no smores and no ghost stories.

Last night, I was playing Monopoly Deal with some of my friends (I’m cool) and we got on the subject of people we know that are dead. Naturally, I brought up how awkward it is when you meet someone new and you have a Facebook friend in common who is dead. It’s like, do I bring it up? do we ignore it? or do we admit that it’s kinda funny that the one friend we have common is a dead dude? We lolled at how awkward it is, but like 2 AM sleepy this-is-the-funniest-thing-ever-lolled.

My friend came to my improv show today and when it was over, I pointed at this guy in my improv class and was like, “Hey, he knows our dead friend.”

We go up to him, kind of lolling, and I yell “Hey, you know our dead friend!” Worst. conversation. starter. ever.

My classmate was super weirded out and a 45-second conversation ensued.  To make things worse (read:better), my classmate’s friend had lipstick on her teeth, but we decided not to tell her because it was already the most awkward conversation ever.

I am clearly super good at making new friends/being awkward when it counts.