Emotional Humility

Emotional humility is having to admit to people that you feel pretty meh about Star Wars.

Emotional humility is defriending someone on Facebook who you thought you would never see again only to have them confront you about it two years later in front of a group of people.

Emotional humility is saying goodbye to someone after hanging out and then realizing you both parked in the same direction.

Emotional humility is accidentally making eye contact with someone in the car next to you and doing your best to give them a heart eye emoji face to make the uncomfortable in a whimsical way.

Emotional humility is when sometimes you try to hard to be alternative, but ultimately you are still right handed.

Emotional humility is not being able to tell a workout song from a regular song.

Emotional humility is admitting that your keyboard is red not from blood, sweat, and tears, but from Hot Cheeto dust.

Emotional humility is not updating your blog in six months and admitting that was an oopsy. It is also emitting a small prayer than you are using the term emotional humility correctly.

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2015: You Can’t Win Them All

A few highlights of my 2015 🙂 :

  • My old boss told me I sounded “too straight-forward” in work emails, so I should try to include a smiley face and an “!” in each email. This is now amongst my worst habits.
  • I discovered those video blackjack machines in Las Vegas that are pretty demeaning to animated women,  but also pay well if you play them right. Verdict: Worth it, but I feel a little dirty.
  • I think I only read one book, and it was about makeup …
  • I am almost out of debt
  • I didn’t write enough, this sentence feels short.

 

Happy New Year, every body! Be weary of drunk drivers, they are terrifying.

Real Estate head shots

Real Estate head shots make me lol. Too real.

Marlene gets bonus points for having a motto that doesn’t actually mean anything.

“A field of opportunities, success through effort”

She also gets bonus points for having flowers grow out of her head.

Joseph has “Integrity and Commitment” and he’s the “agent of the month” which is somewhere between fast food employee of the month and James Bond on the sexy scale. Hint: much closer to the greasy end.

This is just awkward.

Wait, I don’t understand their motto.

“We Care about being #1 for YOU, not the world!”

They must be so embarrassed by how awful their motto is that they can’t even stand to look at each other. It’s hard for me to look at them, too.

I am going to finish with this one.

What? Did the camera break or something? Is the photo black and white because the ad is vaguely racist and the realtor doesn’t want you to know what race s/he is? Or for that matter, I can’t really tell the gender. I am uncomfortable.

 

p.s. I really want to hear more of your awkward stories.  Leave a comment here with your best story and I will love you forever.

Awkward

Can we all share awkward stories? Like a WordPress sleepover with strangers, no smores and no ghost stories.

Last night, I was playing Monopoly Deal with some of my friends (I’m cool) and we got on the subject of people we know that are dead. Naturally, I brought up how awkward it is when you meet someone new and you have a Facebook friend in common who is dead. It’s like, do I bring it up? do we ignore it? or do we admit that it’s kinda funny that the one friend we have common is a dead dude? We lolled at how awkward it is, but like 2 AM sleepy this-is-the-funniest-thing-ever-lolled.

My friend came to my improv show today and when it was over, I pointed at this guy in my improv class and was like, “Hey, he knows our dead friend.”

We go up to him, kind of lolling, and I yell “Hey, you know our dead friend!” Worst. conversation. starter. ever.

My classmate was super weirded out and a 45-second conversation ensued.  To make things worse (read:better), my classmate’s friend had lipstick on her teeth, but we decided not to tell her because it was already the most awkward conversation ever.

I am clearly super good at making new friends/being awkward when it counts.

Diva 19, The Story of the Time I Met William Shatner

Last week I did something bucketlist-worthy: I met William Shatner. And he was a feisty diva.

If you know me, you know that I am very rarely outwardly excited. Like, I would be the worst person ever to win concert tickets on the radio because I would just be like , “that’s cool *awkward pause* thanks.” So you know that elation on my face is true excitement.

We got in line an hour and forty five minutes early to meet the Shat. You would think that the line would have a solid nerd/hipster mix. But no, it mostly obese dudes in their 30s wearing elastic-waisted pants. That being said, we were somehow the only ones with homemade shirts — and jeans that button.

Here are some creeper pics that my bestie took:

Those are black pajama pants.

That’s a fanny pack.

Those are  big dudes not making eye contact with the 24-hour fitness across the street.

Are we horrible people? probably.

The guy behind us was in his 40’s and was in line to get William Shatner’s autograph for his daughter as a surprise. Awwww.  Mad A+ dad points right there. Unfortunately, the guy behind him was a drunk. He was in his 30’s, and kept making the same joke about whether Shatner would sign a Leonard Nimoy album to every Amoeba employee that passed by. He also had conspiracy theories about the Amoeba mailing list.  Occasionally he would exclaim, “Why would anyone want to take a picture with an 80 year-old?” Please note that this dude waited an hour and 40 mins to meet Shatner. Also please note that he bleaches his hair, but dyes his sideburns and eyebrows red and he wears John Lennon glasses. I am actually pretty surprised that he didn’t smell weird?

So yeah, we finally met him for like two seconds and I am pretty sure that he didn’t make eye contact and I am sure that he didn’t say anything about our shirts. But he didn’t have to, he is William Shatner, a man who showed up in a car with the license plate “DIVA19” lolforever.

BTW, I am performing at Upright Citizens Brigade Los Angeles next weekend. Come play!