I am super straight-forward, and sometimes it gets me in trouble. In 10th grade, I told my English teacher he was the worst teacher I’ve ever had – to his face. I guess that can be pretty unsettling for a teacher to hear, so the next day he asked me to stay back after class for what proved to be the longest two minutes of my life. My brashness about his lack of ability as an academic inspired him to write a poem about his feelings, and he needed to read it to me, dramatically.
I couldn’t tell you a single word he said because I was too busy dying. I didn’t know where to look: should I make eye contact? should I stare at the floor? should I close my eyes and pretend this wasn’t happening? what should I do with my hands? Luckily (?), he was so in to reading his poem with intense emotion that I don’t think he noticed. It was probably textbook how-not-to-communicate on both sides.
Ever since then, I freeze up when people recite poetry they’ve written. Sometimes boys like to pull out the “I wrote a poem for you” card out on me. Yes, this still happens in 2011. I obviously can’t speak for all girls, but I can’t be the only who thinks love poem recitations are super awkward and kind of lame. Though, it’s almost worse when boys sing to you because it lasts longer and you get 2-4x the anxiety of figuring out what to do with yourself for all that time. Eye contact? smiling? Tips greatly appreciated. Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful and flattered that this has happened to me quite a few times, but I was even more grateful when they were over.
Anyways, dear future boyfriends, please don’t write me love poems, watch weird documentaries on Netflix Instant with me instead.
p.s. totally wrote this blog post while eavesdropping on the most depressing job interview at Subway