Blogging Tips, Delivered (Sex)

So I broke my pinky promise and this took more than a week to get around to. My bad. I’ll compensate by making it awesome.

Those blogging tip articles written by self-proclaimed social media gurus are as stuffy and stale as the awful suites they wear to work.  These are from a 23 year-old who wears Levi’s and bright orange Ray Bans, so take them as you will. (Dear Levi’s and Ray Bans, e-mail me)

There is a special prize at the end of this post.

Ashley’s Blogging Tips:

1. Update once a week, three times a week max. Basically, be consistent, but don’t overwhelm people with too much info because no one actually cares that much about you. I would never subscribe or follow anyone that updates more than once a day on the reg.

2. Save your best posts for weekdays, during the day — cubicle types love to read blogs at work, students love not studying, etc. Inversely, if you don’t really want anyone to read your post, post it on a Saturday morning when most everyone else is busy living/sleeping off a hangover/still drunk.

3. Drunk blogging, totally OK.

4. Engage with other bloggers with similar interests. I follow the improv tag like a fiend and am sometimes hit with improv quilting, which is apparently a thing.

5. Respond to your comments, because people who comment on your blog are all super cool (except for the creepy ones, who are only creepy cool, which is totally not a thing).

6. Find the right balance of how personal you should be with your blog.

Things not to write about:

  • your kids (see: no one cares): your kid isn’t funny, your kid isn’t special, get the heck over it. I guess your blog could be great for your kid’s computer literate grandparents, but don’t expect to get Internet cool points for having a mom blog. However, advertisers love mom blogs, so you might be able to turn a profit while still being incredibly lame.
  • hyper personal issues: this could just be a personal cultural preference, but I don’t really want to know the intimate details of your trials and tribulations. I think being hyper personal alienates a lot of readers. I never respond well to conversations about feelings, which is probably why most of my close friends are dudes and girls who watch prison shows. Example: one of my best friends texted me ” I broke up with my boyfriend” to which I actually responded “good — you two would make really ugly babies together anyway.” That didn’t go over too well (but it’s totally true).

Things to write about:

  • unique situations/whatever you think makes you interesting. Do you sky dive? do you love pinball? can you do the most epic yo-yo tricks of all time? I think all that stuff is cool, tell me about it/date me.
  • stuff you’re passionate about/stuff you like
  • opinions, as long as they aren’t awful

7. Tag your posts!

Super cool reader tips:

1.  From Becoming Bitter: “Posting material based on your experiences does wonders for getting traffic. Most of my posts have been about some assholes I’ve met or events or random stuff based on what I like. Bloggers should either try to relate to their potential audience or post things other people would enjoy reading. Posting things that make an impact in some way on the reader is another tactic employed by bloggers.”

I agree

2.  From Neeks: “Maybe if you collected links to things like sites that teach grammar, or punctuation, etc. and respond with a post of all the links?

Or put them in your blog roll and then you can respond to questions by saying “check out the websites in my blogroll…”

 I don’t actually think people care about grammar that much. Personally, I only notice it if a person’s grammar is really awful. Also, people who make grammar jokes are incredibly lame. But I guess some people might love correcting the grammar of all the posts they read? I wish I had that much free time. 
3.  From Barking In the Dark: “assholes are always interesting…to read about i mean.”
I definitely have this one covered in my blog
4.  From Best Bathroom Books: “I’m not a female writing about my experiences, so I will automatically get less readers. I go for triple-entendre blog titles (multiple meanings can illicit a click) and a pic that is either funny or pleasing or at least not boring. Good consistent writing and POV keeps readers coming back. Accuracy in tags helps too.”
I love your tips, man! All my favorite writers have unique voices. A straight-forward writer with a great story (like Kite Runner) won’t get any love from me. I hate Kite Runner. I save all my love for authors like Hubert Selby Jr.
5.  From Let’s Cut the Crap: “Not wanting to be a STAR helps. I think it crimps your style.I’m always interested in heartfelt ideas. We’re all human, right? Must be at least 50% of the population who can share a similar experience.Write from the heart OR, if you have great humour about a situation, more power to ya!”People love common experiences. I personally don’t really write about them, but a lot of “successful” bloggers do. I feel the same way about stand-up comedy as I feel about common experience blogs. They  seem like they are doing a lot of work, but it’s actually just, “hey, look how weird this one thing we all do everyday is.” I care because? Please note, I am a bit of an asshole. 6.  From Michael Sadowski: “Here’s a tip: keep your own life crap out of it. You get caught and it gets you in trouble. DON’T do what I have done..don’t broadcast your dirty little secrets and the crazier notions best left buried in the basement of your sick mind. You might think you’re turning your flatulence into literature but you alienate more people than you attract.”agree 100%. flatulence =/= literature.

7. From Linda Vernon:

Here’s what I like to see in a blog:

Topic up front
Short Paragraphs
Rambling only if humorous
Humor
Pictures that support the topic
Some kind of point no matter how obscure or thin must be made
Freshness is highly prized!

I agree, I love freshness. Also, I usually don’t even attempt to read really long blog posts unless I know that the person is a good writer. So yeah, be weary of that. I hope this entire post counts as a humorous rambling about how much I hate Kite Runner.

8. From Lizzie Cracked: ”

1. know why you are here, what you hope to achieve, what makes you feel good and what makes you feel bad. Figure it out when you set up your blog and after you are a few weeks in to see if you feel differently.

2. Be true to yourself. It’s your blog. don’t let anybody tell you you are wrong if you feel good about it. You will never please everyone so be happy with yourself

3. Grammar & puntuation if you really want someone else to read it AND undestand it.. I’m sure you are aware how one little comma can change the whole meaning ….if it’s just for you and you don’t care then who cares but that would again depend on #1 and I’m not saying anally correct either but really….just sayin”

everything she said, her blog is probably better than mine and I will check it out later

9. From Crystal Rayne: “Proofread before you hit the publish button. I understand the brain most times phonically fixes words as you read, however one too many times of a her replacing a here can make a brain swell. If the temptation of the publish button is too much to handle, write your post in word first.”

I don’t do this, and I will probably never do this, but I totally should do this.

p.s. you have a stripper name, and I am sort of jealous. 

10.  From Kellie Kennedy: “I agree blog about what you know. I also feel don’t get stuck on being so grammatically perfect. Write how you talk! My friends and parents gave me the best advice, if it sounds like it is coming out of your mouth…you have written a perfect blog.”

I write exactly how I talk, people I know read my blog in my voice. 100% true. I guess that means I’m perfect? jk, def not perfect.

11. From El Gaupo:”Everyone I’ve spoken to about it says (like me) that they wanted to say something, to speak (or yell, or mock) to the world.

Oh, and the word Sex in a title will usually get some extra clicks.”

I am pretty sure the sex thing is true, I will test it with this post. Sorry, mom. 

12. From Spider42: “I’ve gotten fairly bad at it myself but I find if you have a certain regularity to your posting it definitely helps because people get used to it – like a magazine or even a weekly column in a paper and the like.
Other then that there’s the obvious stuff like: post what you know, post at least SOME images with each post, make your blog visually pleasing and accessible, roam other blogs and comment/like on them (this part I think you got down! :D ) and such…”

I do this weird thing where I do three text heavy posts and then three photo heavy posts. I also like to sleep with one sock on. 

13. From Chip: “Umm…. be awesome.”

This one is my favorite tip.

14. From Talker96: “The best advice for writing a successful blog entry(or blog post, as those of us in the industry like to call them) would probably be to let everybody else have their say.
I’ll explain. People love to comment on things they briefly read about, especially when they read just enough to make them sound like they know what they are talking about. So what’s the advice? Simple, do what this post did, just have everyone else fill in the topic. This solution is easy on the eyes and makes everyone feel like they contributed.
While my blog is somewhat successful, I know all to well the dangers of a commentless site. When nobodies talking your site becomes 30% more likely to get broken in to and 56% more likely to try hard drugs. We’ve all been there people, you’re not alone, but this solution will take you out of the skid row and into the Beverly Hills of WordPress, with basically little or no work at all.
Great post Ashleyjillian….and great post everyone else.(wink)”

what s/he said. 😀

15.  From kayjai: “I use my blog as a venting mechanism for my alter ego…is that bad? Maybe. My humor stems from my life, hence I tend to spew forth utterances otherwise left unsaid. My audience appreciates the honesty/humor in the situations and feel free to comment openly. I try not to put too much personal crap out there, but I can’t help myself. I guess the blog is what you make it and making it as individual as you are, is the best. A unique perspective is always a great way to go! Thanks..KJ”

individuality is awesome and if I was Beyonce, I would for sure blog as Sasha Fierce. 

So while I was writing this post, an old man set-up a desktop computer at Starbucks. Here is a creeper picture my friends encouraged me to take:

p.s. I  look like I work for Facebook right now:

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127 thoughts on “Blogging Tips, Delivered (Sex)

  1. My husband calls me the grammar nazi–okay, I even send corrections to my chats!

    I like lots of air in a post, or any writing for that matter. If there is a solid block of text, I get a headache just thinking about reading it!

  2. I agree with much of what you have said. Grammar, punctuation and the ability to make a paragraph make me more likely to come back to a blog.

    My pet peeves are wall-of-text blogs, unfunny blogs that ramble for 1200 or more words, and blogs that are updated multiple times per day. I have dumped a couple because they were posting 6 times per day. I don’t care that much. I’m not your Facebook friend, people!

    I do post about one of my kids occasionally. Because he is very strange. And I blog five days per week because the goal of my blog is to help develop myself as a writer and practice working to a deadline. But I offer free drinks at my place, so that makes up for it, right?

    And tags are important. According to my stats, it is essential to use the phrase “peed pants” in order to drive traffic to your blog. Your numbers will skyrocket.

  3. let me tell you why i blog about my kids…1) before them i never made unwavering eye contact with someone taking a pooper. 2) they think i can dance. for those two reasons alone i must blog.

  4. This was, like, writing from you. Pretty impressive. I think that whole thing about writing vs. blogging is true. Successful blogging (which you do great) illicits the comments. Writing is way more work (you did it here) and usually illicits less comments. I have never used the word “illicits” as much as this. But you are a masteress of blogging for sointenly.
    Les

  5. Do not publish Christmas, Easter, Memorial Day, Labor Day, Rosh Hoshanah, Eid, or Thanksgiving posts. Do you really think you can top works like O. Henry’s “The Gift of the Magi” or Dickens’s “A Christmas Carol?” Write a MLK Day post if you want, but I warn you that no matter what you say you will be accused of racism. The big hollies have been done and done and done by the world’s greatest writers. Even if you write somethng really good, it will sound trite by comparison. So buck the trend — write at Christmas about a memorable summer trip to the zoo when one of the primates kept looking at you and playing with himself or write in July about how you got stuck on a stalled chairlift at Vail with a lecher whose breath smelled like he had been eating a kim chee and kielbasa cassarole the day before and hadn’t brushed since. But what do I know? My blog stats are lower than Bernie Madoff’s popularity rating.

  6. love this. thanks (sex) for quoting me.(sex)..but did i authorize that? my attorney (sex) will be in touch. also, (sex) does this mean it’s a (sex) bad idea to write about ones jock itch?
    signed curious from Des Moines.

    oh yeah, continue…

  7. FUNNY! and aren’t we talkative this holiday eve! what a great post…you cheered me out of a HUGE personal funk which I have now decided to use a grist for my my own next installment, in violation of my own Prime Directive…which is keep your own crap out of it!
    I’ve had a MF of a week. Might make swell reading for someone who digs misery.
    You da man! Or da woman!

  8. Thank you for this post. I came away empowered with the knowledge that I should reserve my best posts for weekdays when I can distract cubicle workers and students from any semblance of productivity, therefore making my contribution to the fall of modern civilization! Mwahahaha…….. I hope that did not come across as creepy.

  9. Here’s why I love this blog and keep coming back for more(here’s a hint, celebrity gossip), actually, here are three reasons I love this blog but only come back for two of them.
    My first reason has got to be the Redbox free dvd rental passes that Ashley Jillian constantly provides to her readers(I especially love that if you miss her giveaway during the day she asks that you just send her an email for one, then the person that sent in the highest number of repeat emails receives a full month free rental pass. Awesome)
    My second reason most definitely would be the gut wrenching, yet highly erotic wordplay that is hidden throughout each and every post that this blog has on it(the prime number months are especially noteworthy)
    The third reason is probably my fav though, it’s how everyone that commented to make this post had a link to their site, everyone but me that is. A Jillian is always looking out for me, she knows how much I hate traffic to my site, talker96.wordpress.com, and how I hate for people to read my site, talker96.wordpress.com.
    Awesome Jillian.
    (seriously though, it’s an honor just to be nominated)

  10. WHITE SPACE | SUBHEADINGS | COLOR | PICTURES AND VIDEO

    These tips will ensure your readers consume your entire post by keeping them visually entertained.

    —————————————————————————————-
    [ – MY TRICKS OF THE TRADE – ]
    —————————————————————————————-

    1) Separate the entire post with subheadings.

    2) Put no more than 2-3 paragraphs under each subheading.

    3) Keep your paragraphs to 2-3 sentences.

    4) Use bold, italics, and color to tell the feeble internet mind what to pay attention to (the mind pays attention to differences).

    5) Use pictures and videos to break up the boredom that 3 or more paragraphs tends to induce

    —————————————————————————————-
    [ – EXAMPLE – ]
    —————————————————————————————-

    This is post is an example of what I’m talking about: http://michaeljagdeo.wordpress.com/2011/11/23/getting-roasted-by-dom-pare-and-competition-between-comedians/

    —————————————————————————————-

    Shit I kind just wrote a blog post as a comment.

    One Love Ash!

    Michael Jagdeo

    —————————————————————————————-

  11. It is Thanksgiving when I am writing this comment, and I would just like to say that I am thankful that a blog I follow did not post a Thanksgiving post in honor of the holiday. I don’t know how to formulate a blogging tip out of that, other than maybe it’s a good idea to choose only one or two holidays out of the year to blog about rather than all of them. Great post!

  12. Omitting the post I made after reading this, I have broken every single rule (besides being a mom-blog–Fist pump) listed here… Oh. Dammit. Nevermind. My newest post is a Happy flippin’ Thanksgiving post. Sigh.

    Tee hee. Regardless, my blog-life will be forever changed from the moment forth. You better be proud…

    O.O

  13. Great Post! You have some really good, well thought out tips here that make a heck of a lot of sense. I never even really thought of the whens and whys …I had noticed by studying my stats – perhaps studying is too strong of a word lol – different patterns of traffic. I was trying to figure out why Wednesdays were light and …oh got a little off there, Bravo on a blog tip post that had some really unique tips and was fun to read. I was wondering if you stick your feet out from under the covers – weird I know but it would make sense if you stick one foot out and it was the foot with the sock. Eh…curious.
    Thank you sincerely for the very nice compliment 🙂 It’s a little funny becasue I would have said I was more apt to iritate just cause I do all the silly things – not all but several of the things that top your irks – or irks of bloggin I guess. A compliment from you especially like that is, well I just get warm fuzzies. Just sayin… I love your blog, you always deliver and this post is no exception. It is exceptional !!
    Peace 😛

  14. Forgot – can you give us a little feedback on whether or not adding sex to your title increased your traffic or are you thinking we should find out for ourselves?

    What did your title think – was it good and satisfied?

    Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!! (tha’s what I really forgot but I would be interested to know the results) 🙂

  15. Pingback: Books and letters « More or less

  16. That creeper in the background was funny! The one thing I would add would be to link back to your source material. From someone who’s been writing for a while, the one thing you hate to find out is when you’ve created something and you find out someone has swiped your stuff without giving you credit. Generally if I’ve gotten information from somewhere, I’ve linked back to the original information and credited the original source. It’s the least any of us can do to keep the machine running.

    Thanks for the “Like” btw. ^_^

  17. Posting tips from me. I always write in Word and spell check. But I still screw up.

    I copy paste to my blog and reread. I still screw up.

    I reread after I publish. And discover that I screwed up.

    Must be something in the scotch.

  18. Ashley,

    Great tips! Especially the one about blogging too much and blogging about children all the time. I was sort of getting into the bad habit of rambling off my mind a couple of years ago-posting twice a day(You can probably still find those bad posts), however each day I learn and am appreciative for any blog tip I can grab.

  19. I totally agree with these! The only one I don’t always follow (because I’ve determined all these on my own, through trial and error) is the three times a week, max, rule. My exception is that I only post interesting stuff, and I don’t put more than one interesting topic in a post. So I may post two posts, but they could have technically been one. I find that that way I am able to have two drives to my blog, and once one title attracts a reader they my browse through my pages and click a few more. I refrain from posting blow-by-blows of occurrences or days in my life. Like you said, no one cares.

  20. While I am both honored and humbled to be referenced in your post, I realize from reading the rest of it that I’ve. Been doing it. Wrong.

    Fortunately, that describes most of my life, so I think I can live with that…

  21. Well done Missus! The best blogging tips since Anne Frank was told that writing would help keep her quiet! Do you do consultancy work?? I’ll find the most outrageously coloured Ray Bans and Levis for you!! 😀

  22. Very good advice and well put. Thanks from a new blogger! I will try not too talk too much about my kids. It shouldn’t be hard, since I don’t have any… That I know of!

    Zing zang zoom I’m outta this room!

  23. Thank you for those tips! I have been dipping in and out of blogging for a while now and could do with all the help I can get!

    Definitely highlighted some of my flaws that’s for sure!.

  24. Thanks for all of your tips, I’ll try to use a lot of them as I try to work out how this blogging thing works!

  25. actually, on your note of people reading during work…. I actually have been wondering what seems to be the most active time for readers on wordpress. Consistently I’ve been posting about 7-8pm on the slow week nights (like tuesday, what the hell happens on a tuesday besides me? i guess tv), but only sometimes has it hit a view jackpot (in my relative terms). I’ve tried during the day once or twice, but those results seemed even more mediocre. and since i’m all about instant gratification haha then i must figure this out (hell, we all are on here… nobody honestly wants to wait days or weeks for a post to get noticed else it probably isn’t happening)

  26. Drunk blogging: it’s all fun and games until someone spills beer on your laptop. Do you think there’s any potential for a blogger’s drinking game? 1 shot if your post title makes you ask yourself how awesome you are. 2 shots (with beer chasers) for each photo you add. 1 shot each time you include a word from a banned list in your piece.

    Thoughts?

  27. Thank you for liking some of my posts–very kind of you. I got a big laugh out of you telling your friend that they would have made ugly babies; hopefully you mean that they just wouldn’t make a good-looking one together, not that they’re both ugly. Once, in a grocery store, I thought to myself “My God, that’s an ugly baby”, and the proud dad looked up from the cart and looked right at me, like I’d said it out loud (I know I didn’t).
    All little ones have cute ways, but some of them aren’t so pretty.

    There’s a fine line between putting a little bit of personal stuff into your blog, because that’s what makes you human and believable, and making people wish you’d shut the hell up, because they’re embarassed you wrote all that.

  28. Great post! I defy a few of these rules but can’t help myself. Maybe I should change my handle ro deviantblogger or something!? Anyway… life os often like a kick in the teeth so my fav blogs have one qaulity: they make me laugh. Yours did so score 1 point for comic relief and 1 point for great advice… which is 2 points in most places.

  29. Ashley. Two words for non-boring blogging advice: Penelope Trunk. PenelopeTrunk.com Please forgive me if you already know about her, but your clear love of Tina Fey makes me think you might dig Penelope, too. She definitely walks that line between interesting and too-personal beautifully, especially if things in her life are not going well. 🙂 Great blog, excellent writing. thanks.

  30. Well dang, Ashley, I’m already doing it WRONG. I’ve been at this blogging stuff a week and was trying to post something every other day so no one would be disappointed. Thus, I’ve done 6 posts in a week and that makes me the Chatty Chairman of the Garden. Argh.

  31. There’s no such thing as a social media guru. Nope. Plus, a person doesn’t call themselves a ‘guru’–guru is a term that is GIVEN to you. Same with the word DIVA. I agree with Sarah Silverman on the whole diva thing–you’re not a diva, you’re a cunt. Same goes for self-proclaimed ‘social media gurus.’

  32. I def. agree with having the right balance on personal life stuff, although sometimes it’s hard to know what’s too much to share. And responding to comments is def. the way to go, but basically if you have less than like 20 people. I think there should be a cap to that.

  33. Agree with you when you say:

    1. To reply to comments
    2. To go easy on the personal stuff. The only justification for sharing personal stuff is if it is essential in order to make a point. Else, as you say, who cares..?
    3. To not post too frequently…. though to be regular.

    This was fun to read. And you did delivere on the promise to make this awesome. 🙂

    Regards,
    Dagny

  34. Ok… My blog is called momtuition. I guess that would make some think it’s a mom blog. I talk about my kid, my man and myself (myself alot :)). I post at odd hours very early in the morning. That’s usually when I’m at my creative best (or so I tell myself) – Or if it’s not that it’s vampire season. BTW, I’m part vampire for 2 to 3 months out of the year. I keep telling myself that I’m going to post weekly but I have yet to live up to that – And for some reason I’m telling others that I would do this as well. Another thing… I need to learn how to keep shit to myself.

    So… Where am I going wrong?

  35. This is really helpful to someone who is new at the whole blogging thing. Also, this is a very silly question, I realize – but how do you “follow the improv tag like a fiend”? How do you follow a tag? I’m sorry to be so blog illiterate.

  36. “Peed pants” – good; “flatulence” – bad; “sex” in the title – good! I’m getting confused? Oh, but the sex thing almost made me turn away because, after all, it is a weekday and this cubicle type was reading at work…dreaded attack of the internet censors, ya know.

    Enjoyed immensely; muchas gracias.

  37. Pingback: Sex, Peed Pants, Star Trek, iPhones, Scrabble and Ukuleles « Faye Hicks's Blog

  38. Excellent tips. Question: Am I’m walking a thin line with blog etiquette because I’ve taken a challenge from Ray Bradbury to write a short story a day? I don’t expect anyone to read them all (although it would be nice) but should I post some kid of warning? Or is my blog the wrong place for this? Is there a story-based site that would be more appropriate? I’m enjoying your post and like your writing style. Cheers.

  39. Ha!! Love this!! And I’m forever looking for tips (a) from people who have been blogging longer than me and (b) from people who’s blogs I actually like!!
    And thanks bunches for stopping by =D It’s awesome sauce to get the visits from you!!

  40. Great tips on writing a blog and btw you have a great blog!!

    Also, thanks for clicking “like” on my latest post!! I’m glad because then I found your blog!

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