I like to pretend that being an actor/improviser gives me a license to eavesdrop on people. You know, it’s not creepy, it’s totally just research for making interesting character choices. Also, it’s America, I do what I want.

A few months ago when I was unemployed (super uplifting way to start an anecdote), I was reading at a cafe and two police officers came and sat at the table next to me. The woman, who I think was a dispatcher, was a 300-pounder with her hair in a slicked back greasy pony tail. The man looked like Eric Estrada in the ’80s, except he was like a late ’90s version #vaguelydreamy.

Anyways, they had totally been doing it.

I guess he had been on vacation and hadn’t contacted his girly friend since he got back and she was really upset about and kept asking him “how do you think that makes me feel?” and he would be like “Bla bla bla, excuse, bla bla bla, excuse.”  That went on for 20-minutes, no joke, and then *bam* awkward silence. They just stopped talking, and kept eating. For the record, she was eating oatmeal, which I guess is like a girl eating a breakfast salad on the worst date ever . Then all the sudden …

the lady cop was like, “I WANT YOU BACK!”

to which he responded,

And I was like ,


25 thoughts on “Eavesdropping

  1. speaker7 says:

    Hands down best line in this post: For the record, she was eating oatmeal, which I guess is like a girl eating a breakfast salad on the worst date ever and he was eating an unidentified sandwich.

    1. backgroundbird says:

      I second the “Criminal Intent” comment. YES. Or it could be SVU, and Ice-T could be the woman and Munch can be the man.

  2. Alan Foutz says:

    Good ear. Not many posts out there that integrate pictures of Divine, Eric Estrada, and a monkey in a space suit. Yet you make it seamless and natural. On some level, that is disturbing, but you saw the excellent moment that most would never have noticed. A.

  3. Angie Z. says:

    I am the most oblivious person in the world when it comes to detecting “people doing it.” You have a true talent that you could use for evil. But instead you use it for good (i.e. improv).

    PS Nice CHiPs reference – a girl after my own heart.

  4. namesconnie says:

    This was a funny post. I like the way you combined photos in between your writing, too. Thanks for the laugh. 🙂 Thanks for clicking the like on blog writing and I will do the same here.

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