I like to pretend that being an actor/improviser gives me a license to eavesdrop on people. You know, it’s not creepy, it’s totally just research for making interesting character choices. Also, it’s America, I do what I want.
A few months ago when I was unemployed (super uplifting way to start an anecdote), I was reading at a cafe and two police officers came and sat at the table next to me. The woman, who I think was a dispatcher, was a 300-pounder with her hair in a slicked back greasy pony tail. The man looked like Eric Estrada in the ’80s, except he was like a late ’90s version #vaguelydreamy.
Anyways, they had totally been doing it.
I guess he had been on vacation and hadn’t contacted his girly friend since he got back and she was really upset about and kept asking him “how do you think that makes me feel?” and he would be like “Bla bla bla, excuse, bla bla bla, excuse.” That went on for 20-minutes, no joke, and then *bam* awkward silence. They just stopped talking, and kept eating. For the record, she was eating oatmeal, which I guess is like a girl eating a breakfast salad on the worst date ever . Then all the sudden …
the lady cop was like, “I WANT YOU BACK!”
to which he responded,
And I was like ,